That the family vacation is not a source of relaxation for everyone, read the experience story of Jorinde (38 years old). Find out how she used PRI to enjoy the summer again!
Homesickness for home
The first time I went on vacation with my then three-month-old son, it was a horror. I felt torn apart by, on the one hand, my own desire for rest and, on the other, my husband’s expectations regarding vacation (freedom!). Not to mention the constant need for physical closeness with our little son. Portugal groaned under the heat wave so my little son lay at my breast pretty much all day. When I wanted to go swimming he would cry in his father’s arms. When I came back out of the sea after three minutes because I could not bear the crying, he cried again because of my cold salty breast. I felt trapped and imprisoned. I experienced for the first time that there was such a thing as homesickness: a longing for my own home, where we had more or less found our niche together. Where my son wasn’t bothered by the noisy dogs at night, and I wasn’t bothered by a baby who kept waking up.
An angry mom
How I wanted to be the mom who didn’t care about anything. Who went on adventures in faraway lands with her baby in the sling. Hyper-flexible and carefree. I wasn’t her. I was the mom who was actually angry at her child for not giving her a break. Angry at her husband for insisting on going on vacation when she had indicated she didn’t feel like it. I was angry and desperate because of those countless times when I felt so torn: on one side a husband who wanted to enjoy the sunset with me on a terrace, on the other side a crying overstimulated warm baby who wanted nothing more than the peace of the small apartment. What I myself needed, there was no room for that at all. And meanwhile there were all these people around us shouting at us “hey, how wonderful to be on vacation with the baby!”. No thanks, that wasn’t it!
My men as a symbol
During my PRI process, I discovered what was going on. I discovered that my child was actually very symbolic for me. And that during a vacation I couldn’t run away. At work, I usually managed to suppress depressive feelings or feelings of anger and start ‘again’ in the evening. On vacation, there was non-stop care for my infant son. Besides, he was not the only one who was symbolic for me. My partner was too! Every time he withdrew, in my perception, to read a book, for example, it activated the False Power in me. In my perception, he was abandoning me. I had to manage on my own.
Old reality
With the help of PRI, I discovered that that feeling of being alone was an old feeling. My father was often away and my mother was a woman with an eating disorder who only weighed 37 kilograms. During summer vacation, I was left alone for a month and a half with someone who was sick and couldn’t take care of me. I could not cure my mother, I could not make her happy, no matter what I did! My “disgruntled” baby symbolized my sick languishing mother. The feeling that I could not escape and had no space for myself was part of the old reality. In the now, it was still quite spicy with such a newborn baby… But that terrible all-consuming feeling… Was old!
Enjoying again
I now know that the anger (False Power) is a defense mechanism that unconsciously tries to protect me from the old pain. When I make contact with this old pain, knowing that it is old, I can then return to the now. In the now, I can enjoy what is there: the sunshine, the bird calls, the green waving grass… And meanwhile… two children playing!
Is vacation also so symbolic for you and do you want to work with it? Get in touch with a therapist near you.
