Dieting in vain
I am now 55 and have been yo-yo dieting since puberty. I'm not talking about 5 kilos, but about being 20 or 30 kilos heavier or lighter. Apart from one diet (the sherry cure, I don't like alcohol), I have tried everything to lose weight. Losing weight always worked, but maintaining it didn't. I wasn't guided in that either. In addition to the diets, I also had a gastric band for 6 years and lost weight down to 90 kilos. But I also gained weight again.
Finally, the gastric band was removed and I had a gastric reduction. My weight was then 127 kilos. I lost 10 kg before the operation and another 40 kg afterwards. Many people who have had such an operation can no longer tolerate sugar and fat well. I hardly suffer from that, I can eat anything. Which is nice on the one hand, but on the other hand it comes down to willpower for me.
Clarification through PRI
After the gastric reduction, I also started following PRI therapy with the question of why I have such a need to snack. When I started observing my eating behavior, I noticed that I snacked between 4 PM and 8 PM. And we found out that I literally and figuratively swallowed everything and did not express myself. By not expressing myself, both at home and at work, I built up tension in my body during the day. When I came home, that tension had to come out and my way was to eat, especially sugary food. In therapy, we discovered where this behavior comes from. I am an only child and my parents had their own business. When I came home from school, there was no one home and I made sure that dinner was on the table at 6 PM, when my parents came home. After dinner, they would sleep for a while and I would seek solace in food. I didn't express myself because I was afraid of rejection. I wanted to be liked and appreciated. I needed that then. I also projected the fear of being rejected onto the present. And as a result, I denied my own needs and started eating.
Back on a diet again
A year after the operation, I started to gain weight again and with the help of Weight Watchers I lost 50 kg. Maintaining weight remains difficult for me to this day. I am someone who loses weight very quickly. On the other hand, I can gain 4 kilos in a weekend. Once, a fellow student in the past said to me, you look different every month, one month you are slim and the next month you are fat again, that was true because in a month I could have lost 10 kilos, which were back on a month later or more.
Maintaining weight
What I have learned during and from the therapy is that the fear of being rejected is not real in the present, but comes from my childhood. Sometimes this is not entirely comprehensible because I am experiencing the fear now. And I am learning to express myself, which is not always easy if you have kept your mouth shut for 53 years. But it is now a choice. I have lost 50 kg and I can express myself and maintain my weight or build up tension, start eating again and gain weight again. By doing it, by expressing myself, I now also experience how people react to it and that is often different than I expected. I experience that there is a more positive reaction while I was actually afraid of criticism. So my fear really doesn't seem to be true. I really don't have to keep my mouth shut anymore. After losing 50 kilos, I live lighter, literally and figuratively.
Mariet D., 55 years old
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