Liberated from a food addiction
My whole life I have struggled with being overweight, losing pounds and gaining pounds, a new diet and losing the pounds again, but then suddenly gaining it all back. And underneath that, the enormous disappointment in myself, why couldn't I resist, why couldn't I just be slim like the rest of the world, just eat one piece of chocolate and then put the bar away, why, why? It drove me crazy and desperate.
I really didn't see myself as a stupid woman, I had a very good job, managed at a high level, flew around the world for my work, no presentation or meeting with anyone was too crazy for me. Why couldn't I stay slim, but above all, why couldn't I prevent those eating attacks.
Invisible power
Like devils out of a box, they were there, I felt completely okay, nothing was wrong. And then suddenly, like a pop-up in my head, M&M's, or Tony Chocolonely, or BonBonBloc, and that pop-up wouldn't go away until I gave in. As if an invisible force was sucking me towards it, and I had no choice. At some moments I really felt like a junkie, no rest until I had my shot of chocolate. And the pounds kept piling on. I didn't want to diet anymore, I have always believed that there had to be a real lasting solution somewhere. That would go further than resisting chocolate with willpower for a lifetime, but that would free me from the underlying cause. Where did that come from?
Finally…recognition
When I came into contact with PRI, I knew, this is it, there was so much recognition. The book 'The Re-discovery of the True Self', I remember it well, when I read it, it seemed as if the whole book was written for me. And the good news, here was the solution I always believed in, I couldn't consciously do anything about it! Wow, I was so happy to read that. I then started doing PRI and discovered that eating was a substitute for something I was missing in my life.
In my case, it was about support, loving presence, warmth and often also rest. Just like all 'numbing' substances, the intake of chocolate gave me the illusion that I was now getting this, through that piece of chocolate. I was already aware that it was about a lack, but because PRI not only works with that knowledge but precisely with the underlying feeling, and goes back to the past to really feel how I missed that in the beginning of my life, and how alone that felt, that's how I could disconnect it from the feeling in the present.
When I consciously think about it, it is almost too crazy for words, but still, I can recall it so well, the taste and the feeling of the chocolate, the peace and warmth it gave me. I say gave, because with PRI I have freed myself from this bizarre illusion. In my case, it is often the case that I perceive that there is far too much coming at me that I cannot handle, and at such a moment eating chocolate gives me a way out, rest. With PRI I have learned that that perception is not correct, and I unconsciously give my own interpretation to it.
You can do it too…really!
Of course I sometimes miss support, or warmth or rest, but I know and feel one thing very certain now, chocolate is certainly not going to give me that either. By working with PRI, I have dismantled my own unconscious system and I am completely free from the intense impulses where I 'had' to eat. Occasionally a wave still comes by, but then I can apply the PRI steps and feel what is going on at that moment and what I am really running into, so that eating chocolate no longer has a function.
It is such an amazing liberation. I wish that for everyone! Do you recognize this? Do you also struggle with a food addiction? Know that this is also possible for you. It is not always easy, but it is possible, don't doubt but start now, you can do it too, really!
Henny Venekamp (49)
Do you also have a difficult relationship with food? Then read more about the PRI approach or buy the book by Ingeborg Bosch: Loving Life – Free from Eating Problems.
