How infatuation and irritations are deeply rooted in your childhood
The sun breaks through, the blossom is in bloom, and the world seems to come to life again. For many, this means the return of the well-known ‘spring fever’. Maybe you feel the exciting butterflies of a new love in your stomach, or you've been together for years and notice that your partner has been giving you the jitters lately—but in the form of slight irritations.
The interesting thing is that these feelings, however different they may seem, often say much more about you and your own history than about the person standing in front of you. With Past Reality Integration (PRI), we discover that these jitters—both the euphoric and the irritating ones—contain a wealth of information for your personal growth and the quality of your relationship.
Rose-Colored Glasses: Why we fall for who we fall for
When we fall in love, it feels as if we have found the ‘missing link’. In her book Our Love, Ingeborg Bosch describes how falling in love often holds a deep promise: the promise that our unfulfilled needs from childhood will finally be met.
The PRI approach: What you fell in love with in your partner often reflects exactly what you lacked as a child. Did you find your partner's peace and stability so attractive? Chances are your own childhood was unpredictable or emotionally turbulent. The ‘positive jitters’ are therefore actually signposts to your deepest needs.
The Flip Side: When jitters become irritations
Over time, rose-colored glasses often give way to reality. Traits you first found charming start to become irritating. Your partner leaves the dishwasher open, is 'too clingy', or 'too distant'. According to PRI, this irritation is rarely a reaction to the present, but a direct echo of what you had to repress in your early childhood.
When your partner touches a raw nerve, an old defense mechanism is activated. The pain you feel now is often a repetition of Separation Trauma: the pain a child feels when their fundamental needs (such as safety, closeness, and acceptance) are not fully met. Instead of feeling that old pain, we project our frustration onto our partner.
The Mirror: How we want to be seen
A crucial part of our identity in a relationship is how we want to be perceived by the other person.
• The ideal image: How would you like to be seen by your partner? Often, this is a direct reflection of your parents' values and standards. You try to meet the 'conditions' they set to earn love.
• The shadow image: What are you most afraid your partner sees in you? This is often the negative message or judgment you internalized as a child.
By recognizing these patterns, you stop 'fighting' your partner and start healing yourself.
From 'Half People' to Whole Love
In Our Love, Ingeborg Bosch explains that we often enter relationships as 'two half people' hoping to become one together. This inevitably leads to frustration and fear of loss. The true path to a fulfilling relationship is to become 'whole' yourself.
When you open your own heart and learn to fill the old wounds (the inner void) by working on yourself, you no longer need to use your partner to fill that gap. At that moment, one plus one truly becomes two.
Practical Tips for Your 'Spring Fever'
Observe your irritation: The next time your partner gives you 'the jitters', ask yourself: When did I first feel this in my life?
Examine your admiration: What do you like most about the other person? Which need from your ‘old pain’ is being fed by this?
Choose closeness: Instead of going on the defensive (anger, withdrawal), try to express what is actually affecting you.
Conclusion: spring fever is more than just hormones or coincidence
They are invitations to look within. Through the lens of PRI, we transform our relationship from a battlefield (or a dream castle) into a place of real connection, where we can truly see each other as we are.
Do you want to know more about how you can diagnose and strengthen your relationship? Past Reality Integration offers concrete exercises, such as the empathy exercise, to restore connection at a soul level.
Want to know more about PRI and relationships?
Then watch the video 'Relationship Problems and PRI' in which Ingeborg Bosch explains how relationship issues are viewed from a PRI perspective.
PRI relationship therapy options
A journey with a PRI therapist is not a passive affair; it is an active exploration into the blueprint of your own emotions and those of your partner. In addition to individual therapy, we offer you and your partner the following 2 options:
- Regular relationship therapy by one of our specialized PRI relationship therapists >
- Relationship Intensives by Ingeborg Bosch. A unique opportunity to receive intensive and personal guidance > together with your partner (individual is also possible) directly from the PRI founder and author of Onze Liefde (Our Love).
Want to get started with PRI yourself?
A central concept within PRI is that our partner often unconsciously functions as a symbol in daily life. A small remark or a certain look from your partner can touch a deep, painful emotion that actually originates from your early childhood.
Addressing relationship problems therefore begins with recognizing these mechanisms within yourself. By asking yourself: "What exactly is happening inside me right now? Is my reaction proportional to this moment, or am I reacting to an old wound?", space is created. Space for a mature, loving connection in the 'here and now'.
Want to learn how to stop projecting your past onto your partner using PRI? We offer you the following 2 options:
- PRI Online Courses: Learn online directly from Ingeborg Bosch how to apply PRI, based on real-life examples. Ideal for personal development or to accelerate your therapy process. More at prionline.nl/online-courses
- PRI Annual Program: in this unique, intensive year, you will learn to engage with your own personal process on a deeper level and learn to apply the powerful PRI method in your interactions with others (such as in your relationship or at work). More at prionline.nl/jaarprogramma
